Being Puerto Rican in New York....

Being Puerto Rican in New York, I grew up -- I swear to you -- thinking that White Castle hamburgers was traditional, indigenous Puerto Rican food.

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Q: How do you make a sausage roll?




A: Push it!

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I'm watching TV with my father late at night 'cause he doesn't sleep. And you know that commercial for 'Save the Children'? The one that comes on really late, where the lady goes, 'For the price of a cup of coffee, 67 cents a day'? My father and I are both sitting there, thinking the exact same thing: 'Where can you get coffee for 67 cents?!'




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I've been on a diet. I'm on that Slim-Fast thing now. I had seven of them today, so I feel really good.




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The Dove Bar's like an 80-pound wad of chocolate on a toothpick. If you're not careful when you take it out of the package, you'll snap your wrists.

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Anytime there was a problem in the world, we'd send troops. Now, anytime there's a problem in the world, we send food. Problem in Bosnia, we send them food. Problem in Somalia, we send them food. Clinton's like my mom.










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